She saved the world
by chaletfan
Summary: An alternative look at how Rose coped with losing 'her' doctor.


**She saved the world**

Rose Tyler saved the world once.

Now she just lives in it.

"You met him," she says, her eyes flicking briefly up off the table. "You _knew_ him." She hears his laughter, his voice inside her head and when she closes her eyes she thinks she can see him. Sometimes she wonders if she is going mad. The memories crowd inside her brain. Magic burns her. Her fingers drum on the table, the sound of drums echoing out with military precision as the tears roll down her face.

Her father raises his eyebrows nervously. "Rose?"

"Shut up," says Rose in a low tone, pressing her palm against her forehead. She feels the heat rise inside of her. "Please." Swallowing, she pushes the heat back down. Smothers it. Stops herself from feeling. She doesn't ever want to feel like she did back then, on the bay, her heart torn in two and her life shattering before her very eyes. .

"It's been too long," says Pete Tyler gently. "You know, it – people – they, they change."

"You never did."

"Rose," Her mother looks at her nervously, a distinct plea in her voice that begs her to stop. Rose hears this, and suddenly the heat burns back up inside of her.

"I can't let it go!" she screams and stands, her arms outstretched reaching out to the stars, "All I think is what-if? I – I had power, I had all of time and space inside of me and now I have nothing and no one! That can't be it! That can't be it!" Tears begin to roll down her face. "I love him," she gasps, "I love him."

"Loved," says Jackie heavily. "Loved."

"Don't," sobs Rose, "Don't say that. You don't have the right!"

"Why not? Seems like someone has to-"

"-Jackie-"

"-Someone needs to face up to what's happening here! And it looks like it's me. Rose Tyler is a beautiful wonderful girl who needs to move on with her life and let the past be the bleeding past."

The tears don't stop. Rose can't speak, can't look at them . In front of her stands a man. An image of a man. A small, tiny scrap of a piece of paper and a stick figure drawing. It's all she has left of him. A doodle he did in the Tardis to amuse her. Stuffed in the pocket of her jeans to be ripped out by the Vortex and to land in confetti around her broken form.

She holds it up, the shred of paper sticking to her finger. "He's real."

"It's a picture Rose," says her mother softly. "And it's not even that any more."

Rose pulls a face. "I _know_." She gathers herself. Dashes a hand across her face to scrub away the tears. They fall hot and heavy into her palm. "Don't you see? I – I can't live like this. Not any longer. He – I need to go!"

Her mother stares.

"I've been trying to tell you this all year!" yells Rose, "I have to go back!"

"You can't," says Pete in a matter of fact voice. "It's not possible."

"Anything's possible with him," murmurs Rose, her eyes suddenly full of dreams. She is miles away, back inside her head, inside the sweetness of her memories.

"Please Rose, don't do this. Don't-"

-"don't what?"

"Don't throw your life away again!" Jackie gasps as the words tumbles out. She flings up her hands, trying to cover her mouth, trying to take the words back.

Rose stares at her. "Is that what you really think?"

"No, no, oh sweetheart, no, no." She backpedals swiftly but the damage is done. The words have been said. "Rose-"

"He's hurt," says Rose in a deceptively controlled manner. "He's hurt. In pain. Lost. Maybe dead. Because he would have come back. He burnt up a star to say goodbye!" The last sentence is ripped out of her and she doubles over, dry-retching as her stomach turns with the memory. Forcing herself to continue: "There's something wrong and I need to help him."

Pete darts his eyes towards the door. His tongue runs over his mouth in an unconscious gesture. "Rose-"

"Don't!" She sags, her shoulders drooping. She looks defeated. "Just – let me go. Please. Let me go."

The air hangs heavily between the three of them. Jackie is breaking inside. Pete stretches his hand under the table, fingers closing around hers. He squeezes. She would give anything now for him to hold her.

"We can't," she says softly, her heart torn to see her daughter like this. "I love you. You. God I love you. But we can't."

A bell begins to ring out. It peals once, twice and then stops. Rose leaps to her feet. "Don't let them take me, don't let them!!" She punches at the white-coat who rushes in. He grabs her arm. "Mum!! He needs me! He needs me!"

"Don't hurt her!!" screams Jackie, hurling herself towards her daughter. "Don't hurt her!!"

The white-coat turns calmly, his face an implacable mask. "It's alright," he murmurs, soft and reassuring. Rose hangs limply against him. "Just a sedative. We knew that this would prove testing. We'd talked about this Mrs Tyler."

"She's my DAUGHTER!" gasps Jackie. Pete wraps his arm around her pulling her close. Sobbing for breath, his wife stares at the white-coat. "I appreciate all the help – everything. You brought her back to us." The doctor begins to nod appreciatively. Jackie holds up a hand, stopping him. "If you hurt her-"

Pete interrupts: "They're doct-"

-"Don't use _that_ word!" hisses Jackie, darting a nervous glance at Rose. But her daughter is gone, gone so far that she can't even see the room anymore. In front of her is a man. Her love. His hand touches her face to wipe away her tears and she can see the stars again. Oh Doctor, my Doctor, my Love, my whole.

"Jackie," Pete touches his wife, reminds her of his presence, of his support as he holds her close. She collapses into him, too spent for tears. "She'll be alright. We're doing the right thing." And God, how he hopes his words are true.

He remembers Rose, walking across the beach. Her face drawn with pain. He remembers wanting to hold her, to protect her. To never let the darkness touch her. How far they had both fallen. And he remembers the image of Him fading like sunlight against water.

"She's a fighter Jack," he says. "Like you. She'll pull through this." He remembers the first days, the long hard days where he tried to reach her. To break through the barrier of grief. Rose had slowly begun to live again. At least, that's what they had thought. To let go. To move on. But slowly, surely she was being driven mad inside. He sees the pills, sees her blonde hair stark against the bathroom floor and shivers. Even now, the image is too clear.

"I love you," he says, kissing Jackie Tyler. He stands beside her. A mile between them and Rose. His heart burns with sadness. His daughter, a rag-doll. Broken. He wonders if she will ever come back.


End file.
